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Date:2005-07-18 13:40
Subject:love sucks
Security:Public
Mood: depressed

Well, since I was tagged by Guy, I'm not too busy right now, and I am trying to keep my mind off of other problems I'll answer these for your enjoyment:




six songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artist and the song in your LiveJournal along with your six songs. Then tag six other people to see what they're listening to.

1. anything by Go Find. It's this random CD that someone gave to Andrew recently and I just listened to it this past weekend. REALLY good. The second song is stuck in my head right now.
2. my DJGJ CD, personally made for me by the artist himself, and if you don't know who that is, you are soooooooooo behind!
3. oddly enough, I have been wanting to listen to the old Interpol CD. Once upon a time they were good, and then Antics came out....
4. My own mix CD of songs I listened to in France. Jenny is coming to town and I've been reminiscing of our days in Pau. The CD is titled POOSAC, after the program we were on. Lots of Frenchie stuff
5. The fifth song on the old Spoon album. Good stuff.
6. and Q and Not U's Different Damage album. So sad that they are breaking up, though I will say that their sound has changed so much in the past couple years and their shows are not as fun (But mostly because we have been to soooooo many) so maybe it is time for a break.

and

List 5 reasons you are a dork.

1. I love the Food Network. No matter what is on, I watch that shit all day long. Except for Rachel Ray, I can't stand her.
2. I cannot tan in the real world, so I have been forced to fake tan. Yes, it's that bad.
3. I LOVE crispy french fries. If I have a bunch of fries, the last one I put in my mouth must be small and overfried.
4. ...but at the same time I really like health food. My old roommates thought I was crazy for drinking soy milk and eating organic cereal. I try to eat mostly organic, but it's hard.
5. I have kept everything that Andrew ever gave to me, all of his emails, even the envelope that he sent me stuff in while I was in France. I'm a sentimental dork.

And to make things interesting, I'm making this a public post and I am tagging anyone who reads it.

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Date:2002-10-14 08:59
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: happy

Yay for birthdays, good friends, and Ethiopian food!!! :)

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Date:2002-10-01 20:32
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: depressed

I'm very very very very sad right now. I just got a letter from the Study Abroad office stating that the Nice program is full and that I cannot go on study abroad next semester. I started to cry as soon as I saw my returned check in the envelope. I can't even believe it, I know it's my fault because I should have turned the application in sooner (even though the due date isn't until Oct. 15...fucking rolling admissions) but still, it's something that I've been planning on since forever ago and now I'm not sure i'll have time to go on one if I want to graduate in the near future. Why can't things just work out? I'm going to the study abroad office tomorrow to see if I can get a study abroad through another school instead because I'm going to go. I can't deal with not going.

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Date:2002-09-16 08:19
Subject:LONGEST WEEKEND EVER
Security:Public
Mood: hungry

We're finally moved and in our new place. It took 10 hours on Saturday to get everything over here and we're still in the process of unpacking. And good god, am I sore! Who knew that dragging big fucking heavy boxes was going to kill me. My forearms are by far the worst. At least now I know what I need to work on in the gym.
I skipped Spanish this morning. My alarm clock went off at 6:00 and I couldn't even open my eyes enough to find the damn thing and turn it off. I feel bad about it now, but at the time it seemed very logical that since I couldn't open eyes, I also couldn't make it to school....Oh well, life goes on.

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Date:2002-09-07 12:21
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: dirty

It's been an interesting past few days. On Thursday night my wallet fell out of my bag in the Giant parking lot and I didn't know it was missing until the next morning. So of course I was in tears because there are so many important things in it and I knew my parents were going to kill me. But on my way to school I decided to stop by Giant and see if some kind soul had turned it in and luckily enough someone had. However, this kind soul decided they would take out all the cash that was in it first before turning it in. My rent money was in it so there was about $250....that sucked. I had to tell my parents of course becuase I now need another $250 and my dad freaks out and thinks that some sort of professional con person stole it and now has my identity. So he made me cancel all my credit cards and wants me to talk to my cell phone company about my account because the number was in there. But I think that's going a little overboard. So I'm glad I have my wallet back but I don't have any money for a while until one of the new credit cards shows up.
And last night I went and hung out with Sarah, who goes to school with Erica but lives out in College Park. Her neighbors were having a party so we hung out there but I left at about 12:30 because I remembered why I hated the "frat" style parties. There were a billion people there drunk off their asses and really obnoxious. I felt bad for leaving Sarah because she's a nice girl but I just don't have a good time at those sorts of things. Everyone is just so fake and annoying.
Today though I'm going to go look for a bike and tonight we're celebrating Jason's birthday. Yay!

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Date:2002-08-31 23:26
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: tired

So Leo wrote me a few days ago and was telling me about this girl that he wants to take to the Galapogos Islands over christmas break and how they've been friends forever and that he wants to take it to another level....I don't fucking want to know about that shit. He can do whatever he wants with whatever girl her wants, but just don't tell me about it. It still hurts me to think about him with someone else. So I started to write him back to politely tell him that that's his own business, but then I realized that I don't want him to think that I'm still not over him (which I'm really not) and that it really hurts me to read that stuff. So instead I asked him questions about this girl to pretend like I don't care... Andrew (my boss) and I were having this discussion about how we pretend to be normal and that we don't care, when really we're just crazy when it comes to any sort of relationship. It sucks. But then again, school is starting and I am going to move on, just like he obviously has...ass.

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Date:2002-08-25 09:45
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: sleepy

I just got an email from Anna who is now in Ecuador. Lillie wrote me a few days ago as well. I'm so jealous of them! If I had stayed at Kalamazoo I would be in Clermont-Ferrand right now and there are some days when I kind of regret not staying. It's okay though because next semester I will be in Nice so all is good.

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Date:2002-08-24 11:06
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: hungry

Woo hoo! A little over a week till school starts! I'm so excited, I need something to do. Work is great and everything, but I'm bored most of the time. Besides the fact that I've gained so much weight back since I've been here and school will help me get a schedule back so I can go to the gym more often. Yay for that!!

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Date:2002-08-18 19:02
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: blah

Well, I finally got a job. It actually started about a week ago. It's this really cool coffee shop downtown that's very near the White House. It fits really well in to my school schedule because I only work from 2 until 7. The people I work with are super nice and my boss/closing partner is pretty damn hot. I'm quite happy with it. And tomorrow I'm interviewing for a job at a bank. Another part time job that I could maybe do in the morning, we'll see if that works out though.

I've found out that Erica has changed so much that I'm having a lot of problems with the person she has become. She has no self-respect and does horrible detrimental things to herself. She puts herself in these situations that are demeaning and I've tried to talk to her about it because I care and all she does is tell me it's her life and that's how she wants to live it. But I can't respect her now and find it difficult to even talk to her. I don't know what to do about it. I really like living with Jungi, but it's hard to live with Erica because of the things she does.

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Date:2002-08-05 14:39
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: hot

Things have calmed down a little, I now know all the details about the procedure I'm going to have done and I'm not as scared as I was. Though there is still the threat of pre-cancerous cells, the doctors assure me that there are treatments that are very successful to keep the cancer from actually forming and I just have to get pap smears more often. Whew.

In other news though, Leo decided to write me and email in which he said "I love you." What the hell? NOW he decides to say that, once he's left the country. It made me so happy and so sad at the same time. I really wish I could see him again...and maybe I will, but it won't be for a while anyway. poop.

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Date:2002-07-26 22:29
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: worried

Something very scary happened today and I'm a little freaked out at the moment... A few weeks ago I went to the gyno for my first annual exam, pap smear and everything. Now I hadn't heard anything about my results so I figured all was good. But today at about 12:30 the doctor called to tell me that they found some abnormal cells in the pap smear so they went ahead and looked at them under the microscope to verify the results, and yes, they are "high grade" abnormal. So now I have to go in for a sort of biopsy where they take a larger part of my cervix and part of the birth canal as well to get a better look. Well fuck. This is not supposed to happen on your first trip to the gyno. The doctor then tells me at the end of our conversation not to lose any sleep over it... like that's easy. I now have images running in my head of cancer, chemotherapy, them having to remove my uterus... things like that. It's not pleasant. Now I'm sure I'm overreacting, but it's hard not to with this sort of information.... My mom is going to come out for the procedure which is on Aug. 13. I love her so much and I'm so glad she's going to come out. I need her to hold my hand while they're taking out chunks of my organs....

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Date:2002-07-03 19:14
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: content

So it really has been a billion years since I've posted so I figured I might as well now. I'm in DC now, I just got back from Saudi a couple days ago. Saudi was nice, very relaxing but boring. I'm beginning to realize what a sheltered community Aramco is and how I just don't agree with a lot of Aramco people. I also started reading this book called Third Culture Kids, which I recommend to all Saudi people :) It's all about growing up as an expatriate and trying to find yourself outside that community. Very interesting. Anyway, it was hard to leave Kalamazoo, especially leaving Leo at the airport. That was one of the toughest goodbyes I've ever had to go through mostly because I know I'm never going to see him again and with most other people there's always that chance you may see them again. Like with Kate, it was hard to say bye to her too, but I know I'm going to see her again so it wasn't as bad.
I'm training at this restaurant on Friday for a waitressing job. It's a really nice French restaurant. Yay for money. Anyway, Erica and I are going to go to Pentagon City now even though it's fucking hot outside. It's better than sitting around though.

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Date:2002-06-12 08:11
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: hot

Again, a billion years since I've updated. I've been incredibly busy with the end of the year coming up. We're in the middle of finals right now, I had a paper due yesterday, an exam today and one tomorrow. Then I'm off to DC!!! It's really bittersweet though because there are a lot of people I will be missing. On Sunday, Kate tried to have a surprise going away party for me. It was such a nice thought but it didn't exactly work out because most of the people thought it was at a different time. Plus the fact that I will never see Leo again is really sad as well. Despite all our problems he has been such an amazing friend and person in general for me so it's hard to think that these are our last few days together. And we've really been spending a lot of time together, mostly me helping get his shit together. I don't think he realizes how much he depends on me and how much I've done for him. It's okay though, because I know and that's what matters. Ewww...time to go take a shower. Going for a run in incredible humidity is not fun.

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Date:2002-05-31 19:27
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: sleepy

So it's been a while since I updated huh? But that's because my computer has a virus and I don't really have a lot of time to find another computer. It may be a while until my next post. Anyway, so we've got one more week of actual classes left and then finals. I can't believe it's almost over, it really flew by. Oh yeah, and the funny thing is, I have to fill out an application to withdraw and have an interview before I can get them to send my transcripts. Silly small schools. I'm really tired right now and I actually have much much more to post about but hopefully I'll get some more energy to do it later.

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Date:2002-05-22 23:04
Subject:Coolest Fucking Thing Ever
Security:Public
Mood: enthralled

If you ever have the opportunity to see Queen Godis perform, I suggest you go. She is the most amazing performance poet I have ever seen, my head is still swimming from all her stuff. She's incredible and I feel so incredibly lucky that somehow she came here to Kalamazoo...

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Date:2002-05-21 21:49
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: sick

My tummy hurts so so so so so so so so much right now. I meant to go to the gym today, but it didn't happen because I don't really have any energy. So instead I just kind of stood around at Frisbee and then going to eat at the dining hall. After I had already had some tofu and spinach, Dave decides to come running in and tell us that we need to go eat pizza at grandma's house. Now I would definitely had said no, #1 because I had already eaten and #2 because I have a ton of reading to do. But because this is the last time that we would be able to go, forever for me, I had to go. So I told myself that I would just go and enjoy the company but not eat. Of course as soon as I get there I decide to pig out... and I mean pig out, appetizers, salad, 2 slices of pizza, plus dessert. I knew the last bite of dessert was the killer, as soon as I put it in my mouth I knew it was a bad idea. Now I can hardly move and if I could make myself throw up I really would. Blech. It's okay though because it was grandma's and totally worth it. Now time for the reading.

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Date:2002-05-20 11:47
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: bitchy

wow, it's been a billion years since I updated. Let's just say that this week has been emotional drama that I don't really want to get in to. I'm ready to leave, that's about it. And what the fuck is up with the weather? It's sunny, but goddamn cold. I'm sick of this Michigan bullshit, it's May, almost Memorial Day, we should be having warm, sunny weather all the time. hmmm... I'm not in the best mood today, which is why I should definitely go for a jog and then to the gym. I don't want to be an angry, bitter person and right now that's what I feel like.

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Date:2002-05-14 22:54
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: sleepy

dear lord I'm so tired! I skipped my art history class and slept in but then spent the rest of the day doing some sort of physical activity with very little food, so I'm damn tired now. Anyway, we had our second real softball game today and I feel really stupid because we lost and it was most definitely partly my fault, there were some other mistakes, but it had a lot to do with me and I don't like that. Plus I got beaned in the shin with the softball which isn't the best feeling in the world. We went over to Bill & Mark's for a BBQ afterwards which was fun, but I didn't stay long just because I'm sooo tired. Tomorrow is Day of Gracious Living though, which means that they cancel classes and most people go to the beach. So I think that's what we're going to do. I'm really excited about it even though it's not going to be the best beach weather. Yay for not having classes!!

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Date:2002-05-14 11:07
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: ecstatic

I was so busy (and giddy) yesterday that I didn't get a chance to post the best news in the world... I got accepted to University of Maryland! Everything is coming together, this is awesome!!! I just can't wait to get out to DC now. Of course I still need to let Kalamazoo know that I'm not coming back... tee hee. But it doesn't matter right now because I am sooo soo sooo happy!!!

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Date:2002-05-09 23:18
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: bitchy

I talked to my dad today... always a good time. He decided, without telling me, to book my flight back to Saudi for right after school ends. And I had told my mom that I needed at least a few days to move all my stuff out to DC and that I would like to DC (he booked it to leave from Detroit). So then I try and explain how I had already made plans with Erica to drive back with her, and that she has already bought her one-way, non-refundable ticket. And he keeps telling me that there is no way we'll be able to find a flight for me and refuses to even ask the travel agent. Finally my mom says that she'll call the agent to see if there's anything available. My dad then begins to tell me that I should be taking care of all this stuff myself and that he's tired of dealing with it. Well that's news to me! If he had told me months ago that I should make my own travel arrangements, I would have no problem. But since he has already booked a flight for me and then decides to blame me for this, it just frustrates me! And he goes on and on about how I should have emailed them with this information, when I had specifically talked to my mom about it and really, he should have emailed me. I have no idea when he's doing these things. Every time I talked to my mom there had been no fixed date yet, and then all the sudden I have this flight that's been booked for 3 months or some shit like that. Fuck it, I really am going to make all my travel arrangements from now on because this is so freakin' annoying.

On a happier note, I did get to have some yummy vegan smoothies today that they made in our dorm, so that made my day somewhat better. That and the fact that I'm wearing my hot new jean skirt.

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